Confessions of a Failed Vegan

My first attempt at going vegan, giving up all animal products, lasted for 4 days.  At which point I was found crumpled in a ball on the floor sobbing with a bag of crushed Doritos in my hand.  Who knew there was dairy in Doritos?  And non-dairy creamer?  And cool whip?

I tried again and made it a whole 6 weeks, although I may have eaten tomato gravy and soy milk biscuits on every one of those 42 days before I was defeated by a turkey sandwich. Which I ate with Doritos.  I feel it necessary to mention at this point, in case I am discouraging you, that the Doritos in the purple bag are in fact vegan.  Also Oreos.  You can go far with a bag of Oreos.

This whole vegan experiment might have gone better if I was thoroughly disgusted by meat.  I am not.  I can eat a whole piece of bacon without contemplating the personal life story of the pig I am consuming.  This may be why I do not quite fit in with the vegan community.  I may have um…gotten kicked out of  a large vegan support group by suggesting it MAY be more ethical to eat a rabbit out of your back yard than some faux food that contains palm oil which leads to the deforestation of large swatches of orangutan habitat.  “We wouldn’t want people to think eating a rabbit was ok,” said the moderator.

The truth is I did a great deal of research before I attempted this feat.  In fact, if I had put as much effort into cooking as I did into reading, I might have done better.  There is a lot of dissension out there as to what the healthiest diet is, but cutting back on animal products is considered a good start by pretty much everyone except the cattle industry backed FDA. Most experts agree it certainly won’t hurt you to give up animal products as long as you take a vitamin B supplement.

As far as figuring out how bad meat really is for you, well that’s a challenge.  It may not be nearly as bad as all those processed foods we eat like Doritos and Oreos.  A diet of fruit, sweet potatoes, leafy green vegetables, and lean chicken is probably a really healthy diet.

But there are still some compelling reasons to simply opt out of the factory farm industry.  The animals we eat are kept in horrible cramped and squalid conditions.   They are butchered before they reach maturity and are treated daily with preventative antibiotics that could well lead to resistant superbugs.

For me personally, the environmental concerns are what have me reaching for the tofu instead of the steak (usually).  The amount of land lost to grazing and the production of feed crops is not sustainable as we feed an increasing population.  Eating animals causes 40% more global warming than all types of transportation combined, and livestock production is the main cause of water pollution.  The bottom line is it takes 10 times the water, 10 times the land, and 10 times the grain to support a typical American diet rather than a vegan one.

Cutting out meat and dairy and eggs is a radical lifestyle change for most of us, and I highly suspect it is more easily obtained in some parts of the country than in others.  I’ve been to plenty of events here in the Deep South where the vegetarian option is catfish. Are there not easier ways to save the planet?  What if I buy a bicycle?  Maybe it’s not an all or nothing choice.  Maybe it’s better to cut back than to go whole hog and then hide in the closet eating marshmallows and jelly beans (no, they are not vegan).

Now I know vegans have a reputation for being obnoxious, and I’m sure some of them are.  They are new converts on a mission to save the planet, and their urgency is a threat to your way of life.  I get it. I do.  I’m not going to ask you to throw out your cheeseburger.  Especially since my own dietary choices are up in the air on a daily basis.   But if you’re not oblivious enough to drive a hummer to work every day, you should also open your eyes to the destruction other parts of your lifestyle are causing to the world we want to leave to our children.  How about meatless Monday?  Have an Oreo.



2 thoughts on “Confessions of a Failed Vegan

  1. Well, now you have me thinking. I’ve never felt motivated to try to be vegetarian or vegan, but if I have a choice between free-range chicken eggs and abused chicken eggs, and the price difference isn’t obscene, I’ll go for the free-range ones. Depending on availability, price differences, and people’s incomes, though, it’s not necessarily practical to go for the non-abused meat/dairy/egg products. And you are totally right about the palm oil thing. The burning of forests in that industry in Indonesia is causing so much smoke that it’s a huge public health problem in that country, and it’s a problem for nearby countries, too.

    I’m not really sure how much going vegetarian/vegan as an individual really helps, anyway? Maybe convincing a lot of people that free-range chicken eggs are awesome and that palm oil is awful would be more helpful than just one person going vegan (and putting meat-eaters on the defensive when talking passionately about it)? Or, why not just try to reduce the amount of such things in your diet rather than completely eliminating them? I don’t see why it has to be a black and white decision.

    I see it sort of the same way I see dieting. It’s better to try to make healthy lifestyle choices than to go on a strict diet, blow said diet, and then rebound by eating cake and doritos all the time. Like, I always go with whole wheat bread rather than white, when I have a choice. And I make sure to order my sandwiches with tasty vegetables on them. And I’ll frequently pick healthier meats like turkey or chicken over beef or pork. But sometimes I will get the beef or pork because they are tasty. It’s all small little choices/habits, but it’s better than what it would be without those choices and habits, and it’s something I can keep up for long periods of time without feeling deprived and having irresistable cravings.

    In conclusion, I totally agree with stuff you are saying. It doesn’t have to always be black and white decisions. Shades of gray can be awesome, too. Unless you’re talking about the book by that name. In which case, no.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Alex. I really believe we all can make small changes that make up a big difference. Just a few substitutions like meatless chili or a veggie burger here and there can really add up! Also, I’m with you about the book.

      Liked by 1 person

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